Tag you’re it!

WOLOLO somebody dared to provoke to attempt to venture into breaking into my apartment…ASHINDWE…got home a little after dark and first thing I noticed was the crack on my door…I inserted my key and that’s when it dawned on me that some bloody culprit had not quite brought his A game to my doorstep. On my first attempt, my key wouldn’t unlock the door. Rang my nosey neighbors doorbell and she welcomed me in offering a seat, drink and even dinner…which I declined as I tried to calm down. All I wanted was the number to the leasing office so that I could let them know about the attempted crime and inform maintenance to come fix the door. Did I mention that I cannot stand the level of incompetence and annoying lax demeanor of the staff at the leasing office…boy oh boy. The woman who answered the answering service dared to ask me if I minded being put on hold…I tried to be polite but it was too late…I was off the radar. Cop came did a walk through and good, nothing was missing. This cop was drop dead scrumptious, almost asked him to stay and hold me while we sipped on hot chocolate and waited on the lazy arse maintenance dude to come and be done with the fixings. Surreal moment as he asked me to step back withdrew his flashlight (ROFLMBAO) with left hand while holding his holster with right…gun yipeee…man if the perp. had been there…aaaaaaaaaargh
I went to bed with several ‘safety’ thoughts. I could sleep with a knife under my pillow. Quickly squashed that notion realizing that I may accidentally self mutilate. Ok plan B…push couch to block doorway. That plan was quickly botched by debilitating headache. Plan C…call my Mcdreamy and have him set post as my knight in shining armor…focus Q focus.
I went to bed feeling extremely violated and anxious and the blasted headache would not cease and a panic attack attempted to descend on my being. I hate feeling confined but my eventual plan was sleeping in pjs (Yuk) and locking my bedroom door all this after asking God to protect me. I like freedom…shutting doors within my apartment is foreign to me. As for clothes in bed…constraining. My mind wondered…what if perp. comes back...him and maintenance dude are cronies and the ‘new lock’ was simply a ruse to get me off guard and away with the thoughts!
Even though it was an attempted break-in my sense of security is lost…I feel desecrated and I hate to feel that I cannot be safe in my own home. I am thus apartment hunting…

My McDreamy

I’ve had a crush on Mr. Man for oh so long…I’m talking years here. How can I shake this off man or do I even want to…I think and I’ve told him as much that he is my ‘The One.’ Don’t ask me what that means…I’ve heard people esp. females (tee hee – I hate that term) use that plenty so now I’m exercising my right to use it. Yes I undeniably believe that he is the one and told him this on a drunken escapade much to his surprise. We had a fabulous fling summers past…too delicious to erase from my memory though it ended on a not so good note. Aaargh I should’ve left it to fantasy…nah life’s too short they say. Years later we are friends again, talking and laughing without skipping a beat to recover from our year of not seeing of speaking to each other. Before our fling Mr. Man and I had been friends for years and he was my go-to-male-mind….why do men do this…why do men say this…what makes men act the way they do. I also went to him with boyfriend issues and he was my ‘GET OUT’ voice when my recent past ex n I were having what seemed like decomposing issues. Did I give him too much information? Why didn’t he ever stop me from sharing what I did…the details oh the details.
DAMN the dares and teasing and flirtations have started. I try ever so hard not to engage but my armor is weak man. I’m not timid in expressing my feelings to him. I don’t care if he sees me when I’m at my worst. I know beyond reason that it’s a mutually evolving relationship, undefined and yet understood. Maybe I need to pull my head out of my hind-side…but he challenges my being. Our conversations range from politics to religion to literature to languages to sports to dreams and goals and aspirations and family and life and oh so much more…he loves my cooking and as much as I hate to cook I put this aside to indulge him, yes even entice him.
Friday I got flowers and was whisked off to a cabin in the mountain. Is this my imagination working tricks on me? Unexpected knock on my door, all who know me know that I’m studying for this major exam so who is this who dares to interrupt my intellect. Early Halloween – trick or treat. My face lit up in a smile and my knees almost gave way. I don’t recall what I said but I know that I was off into a blissful world. Ok pinch thyself Q, didn’t work…this is really happening. I oh so love nature man, its simplicity is majestic to me and this Mr. Man knows how to get to my very core. A little over two hours we arrive at the most romantic environment. Did I mention the gorgeous scenery on our drive…its fall you see, and with fall are the different shades of orange and red and yellow and brown and green. A wooden cabin that doesn’t look like much, to the naked eye on the outside surrounded by dried leaves and chirping birds. I think I’ve been snookered…pinch self…nope we’re actually here...yipeeeee. The cabin is breathtaking and what transpires in it for the one and half day is mind-blowing…oh yeah I finally get ‘my breakfast.’ All week long I’ve been craving pancakes and eggs (three scrambled well with cheese) and bacon and sausage and strawberries with whipped creame and a cup of hot chocolate to top it all. If I’d known that all I had to do was send a txt, I would’ve done so as soon as the crave hit. All this in bed and without effort on my part…priceless. Is this still my fantasy I wonder? Maybe I’ll ask someone if I have a ‘glow.’ LOL I’ve never gotten the glow concept…I think its all imagination.
Why do I feel that it is ok to let my guard down with him…esp. because I know he has the potential to hurt me. Why do I feel freedom when we flirt and when I express myself and when he looks my way and when he touches me oh my. My friends say I look like a zozo and smile stupidly when he walks in a room, they don’t know about the flowing juices and the increased heart beat and the get a grip pep talk. Why oh why do I feel like I should stand on the highest mountain and let all the creatures on this earth know what emotions he elicits out of me…why is this normal or isn’t it!

Memories are made of these...

I woke up early this morn' to the blissful sound of rain...almost called in but remembered that tis friday and we do get off at noon so why call in.
My mind travelled to my early primary experiences and for some reason all I could think about was Sister Pauline standarding over us, during music lessons, and yelling as loud as her lungs had capacity for. This one memory that keeps haunting me is when she wanted, no was demanding for us to memorize a poem (My Shadow by Robert Louis Stevenson). Why, I thought, do we need to lock this to memory...I'm still wondering. Years later I still remember every single word to this poem and can recite it without much struggle...I highly believe this is due to dear Sister Paulines seeming threatening manner and consequent punishment if we didn't master what she was attempting to instill in our minds...

My Shadow
I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.
The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller than an india-rubber ball,
And sometimes he’s so little that there’s none of him at all.
He hasn’t got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close beside me, he’s a coward you can see;
I’d think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me
One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.


Have a fab wknd y'all...

Am I a true friend if I…

Let you act a fool time and time again
Let you constantly be rude and obnoxious
Let you erode others with your sarcastic, almost childish snide remarks
Let you drive on the wrong lane without pulling you over for fear of stepping on your toes
Let you continue to be infested by your unhealthy habits without a word of caution
Let you sweep your shit under the mat until your being starts to reek
Let you walk out the house all ill-looking and not put together
I’ve truly used the word let loosely here but by me being silent in your unacceptable behavior(s), I am silently endorsing all that you are doing

Should I continue to let you have your fun at the expense of others
Should I embrace your habits good and bad even though the bad misrepresent your essence
Should I allow for your inconsistency to mess with my flow
Should I hold ‘secrets’ that are detrimental to you and others
Should I not say anything to you when you continue to waste your intellect with emptiness

I think my friendship button is starting to fade away and that I’m becoming less tolerant of certain behaviors esp. as I grow older. I am embracing of most people but in as much as I ascribe to the ‘you are your brother’s keeper’ school of thought, I add my own twist to it and that is ‘ I am my brothers keeper, if my brother allows for candor in the keeping.’

I demand for mutual respect in any and all relationships that my being consciously chooses to engage in. With that, comes the ability to pull me over and candidly let me know when I have done you wrong and vice versa. I demand that we don’t engage in unhealthy, vile activities and included in this (in my little world) are being judgmental, name calling, gossip oh how I loathe gossip and negative unfulfilling situations among others.

I don’t know maybe my demands for friendship are not realistic…or maybe they are realistically skewed…

I don't know...

I’ve had an interesting past week to say the least. Sunday the 15th I participated in the AIDS Walk and had oh so much fun. My friends came out to support and we all wore THE Kenyan team rugby shirts…ok maybe not THE, all the same you get the gist, we were all wearing our paraphernalia and looked like quite the team…and made a spectacles of ourselves singing ‘Eloya’ and the like. We truly had our fifteen minutes of fame…yes people we convinced we were a team of sorts from Kenya. We had two chutes run up to us while we were singing and they joined us in ‘chanting’ taking photos and exchanging numbers…yes, quite the Celebes man. The walk was a breeze, 5K and lasted a little less than two hours. It was exciting for me to see the gazillion number of people who gave up their Sundays and came to join the masses in walking for a great cause. The weather was STUPENDOUS…we hydrated and screamed our lungs off and took photos and walked (ok some strolled – you know yourselves ha ha).
After the walk we were of course famished so off we went to Golden Corral – yes, you guessed right, one of those all you can eat places. And here our fame didn’t go un-noticed. While we were on the queue there was a Kenyan family ahead and one of the guys in the group was sooooooo excited and kept taking photos of us…haggard we looked but our hunger blocked the attraction that we were drawing. The waitresses were debating about our origin and finally one of them garnered courage to come and set the record straight. Apparently word had gone round that a Kenyan rugby team was dinning in the restaurant. Yup we played along. Every once in a while a flash would go off...tee hee hope none of the ‘fans’ read this…nah we set the record straight…hmm I can understand why a bunch of chics, 7 to be precise, dressed in rugby shirts and the one male in the group dressed sportsey can lead others to believe that they are a rugby team with not so much as a word exchanged…ha ha. All bellies full beyond imagination we went to our respective homes calling each other on and off to inquire about hurting body parts and remedies.
Yes! I have Monday off...It’s my younger sisters Bday I took the day off to celebrate her bday…never mind that gazillion of miles or is it kilometers (ha ha) separate us…if wishes were horses man. If I didn’t work at a school, then I wouldn’t be off for mid semester break. I indulged her with a call and we were on the phone for hours on end being absolutely silly...till the infamous ‘you have one minute left for this call’ lady came on interrupting our bliss.
For some reason I wasn’t feeling well on Tuesday and it was raining and so I called in. I enjoyed the day reading and sipping on hot chocolate occasionally drifting off to sleep then got out of bed and watched my fave movie and back to bed and simple pleasures. I’m not one to stay in bed or sleep for hours on end. There was something definitely wrong with my body. Things never got better. Next morning got up bright and early to get ready for work and ended up blacking out on my bathroom floor. I spent the morning in the ER and test upon test revealed nada. I was sooooo, ok what do I mean was, I am still...hmmm blank about the entire experience. My head was throbbing beyond my belief, I had a bump on my forehead, I slit the area between my upper lip and nose…basically looked like I’d lost a boxing match…not pretty. The nurse could of course not find my veins so she pricked me a couple of time and finally got it. Why can’t doctors find out what’s going on with my body. Its all good and well that I was told to stay home for the rest of the week and I got some much needed rest but I still feel the same man. It just seems that these changes are not ending and it’s one thing after the other. Could it be fatigue/dehydration…I don’t know. All that I’m positive of is that my body feels like crap and now I’m beginning to sound like a hypochondriac with all these trips to the hospital.

Warn a sister man!

Why didn’t I get the ‘It’s going to be COLD memo?’ Don’t get me wrong I loooooooooove fall…in my perfect world, we’d have one season…yes, you guessed right. I love the change of leaves and the oh so subtle breeze and crashing leaves as I walk and taken in the fresh air without humidity invading my environment. Got out of my house feeling all cute and stuff in my flimsy hoodie and sandals and boy was I in for it. The walk to the bus stop was ok coz it’s early morning and I looooooooove the prospect of morning air on me. It would be my luck that the bus would be a little late today and that’s when the reality set in. It’s FREEZING out here man. Bus finally gets there and I think I’m smiling way too hard coz the driver hits on me…shauri yake…wuuhuu the HEAT is on…my body feels almost normal…arrrrrrrgh we’re at the train station too soon man…”god, I promise not to _____ if the train comes now.” Everyone musta gotten the memo apart from me and this one guy who’s wearing a muscle shirts…he looks nyamie but do dudes still wear those, to each his own. With the heat on and my body gradually warming up, my mind wonders to it’s own blissful space, only to be interrupted by some dude walking into the train with gloves on…ok this is serious..dudes normally ‘machorise’ cold, rain. Giving my self the ‘everyone is blowing this out of proportion’ speech, I graceful get off the train and briskly walk to work, in record time might I add. Thank god for the person who invented space heaters…yes all my body parts have thawed now and I can start concentrating on my productive day…

And Opa went the night...

Mom sure was on to something when she woke up at the crack of dawn and ensued to wake the entire household up. As a result of this ‘training’ I’ve become an early bird…I’ve been accustomed to waking up with the kuku’s and stewing in bed for about two hours especially over the weekends. Lately I’ve taken to getting out of bed as soon as I awaken and seizing the day. Saturday found me at the library bright and early to get some reading down while my mind was still fresh…whatever that means. I was finally driven out by the freezing space…tell me, what is it with people and bloody AC…it was soooooooo pleasant out on this perfect fall day – low 60s in the morning and it probably peaked to 75 in the entire day…why then blast the AC…wusaaaaaaah. Went to one of my fave restaurants for lunch with two friends and then off to the Greek Festival we ventured, not knowing what to expect.
WOW my experience was absolutely out of this world. I love to travel and meet people and learn aspects about their culture and this was one seemingly such occasion. The Greek are very fun loving people as portrayed in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”…actually that was an understatement. We were treated with warmth from the moment we entered the shuttle that ferried us to the venue to the moment we left. Why did we indulge in a copious lunch before coming here we wondered. The food oh the food…there were tables upon tables of Greek cuisine and the smell permeated over the expanse of the venue and beyond in oh so subtle ways…DARN why did I have to eat before coming here… I tried a few desserts and though delectable I found them to be way too sweet for my liking. The food, accompanied by live performances by Greek bands and dancers and tours of the cathedral and history lesson, created a sense of actually being away but for a moment in the great land of the philosophers. The cathedral…WOW…breathtaking and the photos I took can’t even begin to capture the magnificence…the intricately designed iconography…amazing and brilliant are but insults in describing the mosaic dome of Christ and several other featured pieces that add to the ambience of the cathedral. Some of the jewelry on sale, esp. the beaded pieces were very similar to Kenyan beadwork and they also must have imported wood curvers from the motherland for the similarity in the art is almost indistinguishable.
Done with the learning and discovery here comes the fun…opa opa opa we chanted through the night. We were under the stars and the full moon illuminated the stage creating an almost romantic environment. Finally after a couple glasses of divine Greek wine, we dared to get up from our seats and learn some dances. Yeah it seemed extremely easy from over yonder…LOL…my arms and shoulders are still hurting. The dance is very inclusive and we held hands and locked shoulders and kicked our legs and twisted our waists and yes all that felt like a being at one of those overpriced gyms…my friend and I even dared to teach the newcomers a few moves of what we had learnt in that short moment…LOL…opa some more and that quick the night was over…BLISS!

All I asked was why and this is what I got...

Because you make me feel special
Because you treat me with respect
Because you deserve someone like me in your life
Because you are there for me, no questions asked
Because it is the least I can do since you make me HAPPY
Because my heart skips a beat whenever I see or think about you
Because love hath no boundaries
Because you are my friend and I yours
Because I really truly like you a whole lot
Because I look out for my friends

I went away feeling I was the best thing that EVER happened to this Mr. Man but that feeling only lasted through the night. I’ve thought of numerous situations in which all this doesn’t feel right or make sense or suffers from my blockage. A year later I'm still where my soul has been stuck for ages, it almost feels natural - I don't believe in being in love, you see. I however believe that love is a CONSCIOUS choice, decision if you please. I think love can be restricting to the soul especially if it is one sided. I don't understand why an individual can claim to love another and yet hurt them. I refuse to encourage one-sided love for my heart tells me that it should be a two-way street and I further believe in being honest about not loving a person like you once did and appropriately COMMUNICATING this to them…use as much deliberate zeal as you did when the pursuit initiated. I'm still seeking the concept of love and every time I attempt to embrace it I get a slap to my very being. I'm learning to not be so cynical about the concept of love and all that it potentially could award my being. I’m stepping out of my weariness over this love thing and I’ve actively started dating, not with the anticipation of falling head over heels but just simply for enjoyment of company and discovery of another…who knows…
SWITCH…
I tend to surround myself with male friends. They seem to be extremely intriguing to me and in my opinion make better, longer lasting friendships than females do…maybe it’s me and my projections. The weird thing that I’m trying to comprehend is why is it that when others see you in the company of the opposite gender they automatically think that there’s more to it…you must be dating or shagging or some’.
SWITCH BACK…
I’m now convinced that I need to have a verbal, face to face session with the person that consciously or unconsciously helped seal the love does not exist concept in my being. I’m going to garner the courage to call him and set a mtg, ok that sounds official but far from that. I need to express to this individual that I have totally forgiven him, don’t get me wrong I do take responsibility for my role in the demise of our so called relationship. Whether he feels he needs forgiveness or not is of little concern to me. I don’t even care if he doesn’t acknowledge that he wronged me, I’m simply attempting to free my soul of him once and for all…I cant continue living my life being chased by the ghosts that he created.

Uncle G....

It’s hard to believe that today marks a year since you departed…I was so inconsolable when you passed I thought I was loosing my mind...I had known you all my life and have fond memories of your interaction with the family...priceless. I can still hear your laughter which is so similar to dads it’s mind-boggling or the way you walked into the house yelling out for mom or dad by their pet names. You were a burst of energy and your presence was a force to be reckoned with from the moment you walked into a room, not in a pretentious manner but positive energy, quite charismatic if you ask me. I was at a loss for words when the call came in with the sad news...I think sometimes my sub-conscious is still in disbelief that you are departed. I’m appreciative that my memory still honors you…LOL memories are made of these….my fondest one being the time you and dad decided to treat auntie, mom and ‘the kids’ to the drive-in to watch Herbie Goes Bananas…I think you and dad had the most fun out of this treat…unbeknownst to us and to our utter embarrassment you’d brought along your ugali, nyam chom and osuga (traditional mbonga) laced with mo nyaluo (cow ghee) and ate away animatedly and with no cares. You always felt like a surrogate dad and took care of us as well as dad would whenever he had to travel. For this and more I am grateful and extremely honored to have known you for who you truly were – generous, loving, caring, charismatic, fun-loving, stern and oh so much more…continue to rest in peace…
I have come to realize over time and especially when we are faced with the loss of a loved one that we all need not take our time on this earth for granted and especially not take one another for granted. We need to enjoy and embrace each other, maximizing every moment we spend in the company of each other. Though death is a sad affair, it makes me more cognizant of family, friends, people, places, experiences and relationships. Final as death may appear to our physical beings on earth, our souls/spirit continue to live with those left behind and are morphed into discreet but ever present ways. With time and healing we learn to move on albeit the missing jig-saw piece...we learn to talk to and be guided by our own special departed 'guardian angel'...

over the scare....

I’ve been debating with self over whether or not to post this because like many, my privacy is priceless…but because I feel this almost obligation to humankind here goes...I loathe clothing esp. when I go to bed…I like to feel free and untouched…all this to say over a month ago I woke up bright and early to get ready for work…my nudity was insulted by a weight on my left breast…I was still kinda groggy so I stumbled to the bathroom and faced the mirror…touching my boob I wonder aloud what this could be…gripped by fear I waited till I had calm down and dialed my doctors number to let her know my discovery and consequently set an appointment…for some reason the best available time was Tuesday so I had to calm my spirit over the wknd and not let my imagination cloud my being…I decided that I wasn’t going to tell anyone what was going on with me until I had concrete answers…Tuesday could not come any sooner…I got to the docs office paid my co-pay all to have the doc touch my boob and let me know “yes, I do feel something in there”…DUH I could have told you this for free man (note to self – reconsider career path)…she went on to set appointments for me to have a mammogram and ultrasound. Since the machines were out, LOL, I had to wait until the next Wednesday for the next available spot and then had an appointment with a surgeon for the necessary procedure. That was the longest wait of my life. My family and I are very close and we share most EVERYTHING that’s going on with each other, for nothing else than simply knowing. We had just had death in the family and I was kinda apprehensive about sharing what was going on with me so I elected to tell at least one person and the lucky winner was my youngest sister with whom I am closest. After realizing my selfishness in swearing her to secrecy until further notice, while she was mourning, I made a call and told mom, dad, sisters and brother. The support was amazing and mom urged me to share my goings on with friends whom would be supportive…those theys often say that we should listen to our parents so I followed her advise and shared with 5 of my friends…the relief and support and prayers and joke and kind words and hmm was immense. Interesting perspectives help bring light to matters…one of my friends questioned how he would feel or rather go on with my non existence. In all this I never questioned my mortality. I’m ok with death as long as it doesn’t take my family before me…I’ve always been ok with the thought of my demise, if that makes sense. I acquired profound peace and was ok with whatever outcome this ‘UFO’ would bring to my being.
I had a friend take off from work to accompany me for my tests. As she sat in the waiting room my boobs were put through some violating but well appreciated squashing and prodding and smearing. I won’t lie and say the mammogram was not painful…I suffered excruciating pain or should I say discomfort in silence and my high tolerance for pain accompanied with the examiners humor helped calm my nerves. I went back to the waiting room and was finally called in to speak to the doc who did some more prodding. They had found some more lumps on both boobs – cysts they called them. The best words that came out of docs mouth – “they are BENIGN cysts”. I gave a yelp and put my freezing torso back into warm clothes and broke the news to my awaiting friend who had been pacing the building anxiously. I was bemused that I had to check my x-rays out on account that they are the property of the hospital…ROFL they are my boobs for crying out loud. Our nervous energy ebbed away as we looked for an Indian restaurant and wondered why in gods good name they would close at 3…”don’t they know we haven’t eaten” we wondered as we circled the building just in case someone showed up to open the restaurant just for us. No such luck man.
Friday came and another friend had flown in from out of town to take me to the surgeon. I watched in disbelief as the surgeon pricked my boob for local anesthesia and then a second prick to drain the unwanted fluid. The none invasive procedure (how it's so termed blows my mind coz your boobs are out in the open and the doc hands are on em and should I go on) took approximately 20mins. I checked my X-rays back in and left the clinic with a band aid on boob, which I found very amusing…yes, I find humor in most life situations – helps keep me numb. My grogginess came rushing in as I was partaking at La Madeleine…yes on my fave meal…this time with a tall glass of coke (no ice). With disappoint but resignation I will follow docs advise to see her in 6 months for follow-up.
I share this in the hope that all who read it will make it their responsibility to encourage self, sisters, girlfriends, wives, mother to not only do monthly self-exams but to especially be aware of their bodies and to follow up with physician should they notice any inconsistency. This goes for men as well. The biggest fear is fear itself…don’t let it control you!

PERFEEEEEEECT WKND...

If there ever was such a weekend this will go down in history as being a perfect weekend...my Friday started on a great foot...I worked till noon then went out to lunch with this oh so scrumptious man – tall, dark, baritone, intelligent, humorous - say I more...I spent the rest of the day studying for my comprehensives, which I take at the end of October...some of my most precious moments are spent at the bookstore...Barnes n Noble to be precise...my adrenalin in that surrounding is equal to a runners high...I can spend hours on end reading, perusing, working on a sudoku or simply listening to music...the perfect day ended with a trip to La Madeleine...chicken friand and a slice of sacher torte that accompanied by subtle French music to tantalize your sensory faculties...this is SINFUL stuff man and especially so when you walk into a restaurant and the server/waiter gives you your stash no menu needed or words exchanged...I need to find a new location - NOT.
Saturday was even better...woke up early to get some reading in...wuuhuu I’ve finally covered 5 out of the 8 topics that I’ll be tested on...goooooooo me...reading done, left the house about noon for sushi with a friend...I’m an extremely picky eater and often eat things as a craving hits me...the restaurant has a perfect ambience and quite a variety of sushi which I got to enjoy...it oft amazes me how filling sushi can be...we were both extremely full after partaking and thus decided to go take a walk at the park...perfect walking weather - sun was out but not burning hot, light breeze - after the walk met up with a couple of friends at a park and worked on a nerving puzzle...did I mention the swing...I am a child at heart and often enjoy swinging and especially playing in the rain...
my Saturday evening was spent with two of my fave ppl...very unassuming evening...I’ve been feeling kinda downtrodden so I’d decided to turn off my phone for the wknd, something I never do, and not let the cares of the world befall me...we had some amarulla listened to fabulous music and danced...the sharing of feelings and thoughts and worries was PRICELESS...I got home kinda tipsy and dared to call a ‘friend’ just so I could tell him exactly how I feel about him and this almost got me in trouble...thank god for mind over body and oh the distance...LOL...I’m not much of a crier - I come from the “big-gals-don’t-cry” school of thought...but for some reason I felt all my worries down on me all at once left with no option but to succumb to the flood gates...oh my, I boo hoo'd like there was no tomorrow...WOW the feeling after that was refreshing...I always feel embarrassed when I cry though...I don’t know why or who instilled this in me...it's such an expected female trait and is a sign of weakness...I wish those theys hadn’t instilled this notion in me, oh well...momentarily cleansed by my tears I fell into deep slumber with the intention of waking up to attend church @ 11...LOL...the pounding would not stop man...I’m an early bird by nature and by 7 was wide awake wondering why my head felt like 20 million monkeys were jumping inside it...all I could think was hydrate, hydrate but this after calling aforementioned ‘friend’ to make sure I hadn’t offended...LOL...my Sunday was spent between bed and bed...as the day went by and evening set in, I managed to rack up energy to cook some homemade chips and sausages (almost like farmers choice - purchased from a Brit store)...my goal for the day was stay awake long enough to was Desperate Housewives and the show after that...for some reason Brees insolence was causing my head to hurt more so I turned to music and a fresh bottle of water and faded off to sleep with the serene sound of Oliver N'goma...