over the scare....

I’ve been debating with self over whether or not to post this because like many, my privacy is priceless…but because I feel this almost obligation to humankind here goes...I loathe clothing esp. when I go to bed…I like to feel free and untouched…all this to say over a month ago I woke up bright and early to get ready for work…my nudity was insulted by a weight on my left breast…I was still kinda groggy so I stumbled to the bathroom and faced the mirror…touching my boob I wonder aloud what this could be…gripped by fear I waited till I had calm down and dialed my doctors number to let her know my discovery and consequently set an appointment…for some reason the best available time was Tuesday so I had to calm my spirit over the wknd and not let my imagination cloud my being…I decided that I wasn’t going to tell anyone what was going on with me until I had concrete answers…Tuesday could not come any sooner…I got to the docs office paid my co-pay all to have the doc touch my boob and let me know “yes, I do feel something in there”…DUH I could have told you this for free man (note to self – reconsider career path)…she went on to set appointments for me to have a mammogram and ultrasound. Since the machines were out, LOL, I had to wait until the next Wednesday for the next available spot and then had an appointment with a surgeon for the necessary procedure. That was the longest wait of my life. My family and I are very close and we share most EVERYTHING that’s going on with each other, for nothing else than simply knowing. We had just had death in the family and I was kinda apprehensive about sharing what was going on with me so I elected to tell at least one person and the lucky winner was my youngest sister with whom I am closest. After realizing my selfishness in swearing her to secrecy until further notice, while she was mourning, I made a call and told mom, dad, sisters and brother. The support was amazing and mom urged me to share my goings on with friends whom would be supportive…those theys often say that we should listen to our parents so I followed her advise and shared with 5 of my friends…the relief and support and prayers and joke and kind words and hmm was immense. Interesting perspectives help bring light to matters…one of my friends questioned how he would feel or rather go on with my non existence. In all this I never questioned my mortality. I’m ok with death as long as it doesn’t take my family before me…I’ve always been ok with the thought of my demise, if that makes sense. I acquired profound peace and was ok with whatever outcome this ‘UFO’ would bring to my being.
I had a friend take off from work to accompany me for my tests. As she sat in the waiting room my boobs were put through some violating but well appreciated squashing and prodding and smearing. I won’t lie and say the mammogram was not painful…I suffered excruciating pain or should I say discomfort in silence and my high tolerance for pain accompanied with the examiners humor helped calm my nerves. I went back to the waiting room and was finally called in to speak to the doc who did some more prodding. They had found some more lumps on both boobs – cysts they called them. The best words that came out of docs mouth – “they are BENIGN cysts”. I gave a yelp and put my freezing torso back into warm clothes and broke the news to my awaiting friend who had been pacing the building anxiously. I was bemused that I had to check my x-rays out on account that they are the property of the hospital…ROFL they are my boobs for crying out loud. Our nervous energy ebbed away as we looked for an Indian restaurant and wondered why in gods good name they would close at 3…”don’t they know we haven’t eaten” we wondered as we circled the building just in case someone showed up to open the restaurant just for us. No such luck man.
Friday came and another friend had flown in from out of town to take me to the surgeon. I watched in disbelief as the surgeon pricked my boob for local anesthesia and then a second prick to drain the unwanted fluid. The none invasive procedure (how it's so termed blows my mind coz your boobs are out in the open and the doc hands are on em and should I go on) took approximately 20mins. I checked my X-rays back in and left the clinic with a band aid on boob, which I found very amusing…yes, I find humor in most life situations – helps keep me numb. My grogginess came rushing in as I was partaking at La Madeleine…yes on my fave meal…this time with a tall glass of coke (no ice). With disappoint but resignation I will follow docs advise to see her in 6 months for follow-up.
I share this in the hope that all who read it will make it their responsibility to encourage self, sisters, girlfriends, wives, mother to not only do monthly self-exams but to especially be aware of their bodies and to follow up with physician should they notice any inconsistency. This goes for men as well. The biggest fear is fear itself…don’t let it control you!