Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Have a Stupendous Weekend!!!

Saturday I woke up early and went to volunteer to package and distribute Thanksgiving baskets. The experience left my being smiling…we had loads of fun dancing and working and singing and playing games and yet, putting our best effort in making a difference in anothers’ life. My heart was soooooooooo overwhelmed when we went to an old peoples home and were greeted with zeal enough to fit a King. They were so thrilled and surprised and excited and prayerful and appreciative that someone, anyone had thought about them and brought them much needed supplies. I got to thinking how simply I choose for my life to be and how little I expect from others and life. It takes very little to please a soul…a smile for instance is priceless and goes a long way.
I am content with simple pleasures. Though I’ve never been one to celebrate Thanksgiving, I always take time to volunteer to a worthy cause and often reflect on my life and the numerous blessings that have found their way to my being. It is my prayer that you all have a safe and wonderfully blessed Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Sometimes I wonder...

I have this thing going with my McDreamy. Its weird I tell ya. We spend hours on end talking and laughing and watching movies/tellie and playing scrabble and sitting in silence and hmmm dare I not say what else. I’ve always been intrigued and even challenged by his intelligence. He makes my brain think and I love to be in that state of mind coz that means my brain is evolving and absorbing and sharing and all this is extremely sexy and appealing to me. I don’t want to define this relationship. I want us to flow with it on a day by day basis. I figure if we put definitions then with that comes heartache and expectations and broken promises. Is this me running away from making a commitment? I hear a resounding, YES. I don’t want to feel like I ‘belong’ (used rather loosely) to anyone. I want to be free to do as I please when I please and yet be exclusively involved with him. I don’t care to be sold into dreams that will never culminate to anything…call me a pessimist but I’m rather enjoying things as they are. In as much as everything seems so mutual I don’t want to lie to my soul that we are more than what we are. I’m scared of being in a relationship with anyone that I feel this strongly about because…I’m uninhibited. I open up and tell him all sorts of stuff (and likewise) without care or concern of sentiment being shared with another or being misinterpreted. I’m simply at my peace and happy as can be. Is it wrong for me to tell him I don’t want a definition…what does that mean in man language???

Thursday, November 16, 2006

To better health and more...Part Deux

Day 3 and 4 are kinda jumbled together. This has become part of my routine…drinking the Lemonade is becoming more of a chore than anything. I’ve started to gag at the thought of ingesting lemonade and sea salt mix and seena tea…the peppermint tea is a relief and reward at the end of all this. The cleansing is going great though I’ve been up or woken up several times a night to cramping stomach or at the beckon of the loo.
I went shopping on both days because I didn’t want to go home and watch tellie with the food commercial enticing my very stomach.
It’s interesting that my weird cravings and daily headaches have stopped. What is even more interesting is that I don’t feel hungry or compelled to eat…every time I feel hunger coming on I fix the lemonade and chug it down accompanied by the cayenne pepper.
My friends are still holding strong and I can’t express how I’m grateful that I’m doing this with this bunch of phenomenal women. The support is stupendous and stories hilarious as ever.
I have oh so much energy on day three…I’m bouncing off the walls and have to talk myself into calming down.
Day four hmmm things are getting thick man. I went to bed at 7.58pm last night…extremely unlike me…I don’t like to sleep – feel like I’m missing out on something. My body is feeling extremely fatigued. I can barely keep my eyes open and walking from bedroom to kitchen felt like I was climbing The Mt. Everest. Off to bed I go.

Day 5
I am the wickest link…I can’t do this anymore…I throw in the towel man. I woke up at some point in the night to use the loo…and went right back to sleep. Weird thing grandma came to me in my sleep. I say weird coz she’s passed on yeaaaaaaaars ago…funny/weird though that she oft comes to me at the oddest times and her presence is oh so tangible (will leave this for another blog).
My body is used to 4/5 hours of sleep so going to bed at 8p and didn’t waking up at 6a was kinda off. All morning I was sluggish as I got ready for work. My heart was beating real fast, I feel woozy and I was short of breath. I thus took myself to bed and I musta fainted/blacked-out/fallen unconscious for 2/3mins.
I’ve thus made decision to stop this cleanse thing. I’ve done all I can to be healthy. I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some organic juice to break my cleanse. I can’t and shouldn’t go straight into food coz my body could go into shock or so the reading material said.
One of my friends had a similar experience and so we are both getting off…the other two are still going strong, one more than the other…MAD ENCOURAGEMENT to them.

We have planned to play start/stop aka animal kingdom and scrabble tomorrow evening and those who have broken the cleanse can sip on vege broth while the rest go on with their lemonade. We always have LOADS of fun with start/stop what with the cheating and laughter and frozen looks when time stops and all you have on X is a bunch of Xs running through the categories. Yes, I admit I’ve lied that my pen stopped working or start feigning a massive headache and need to stop to grab some Aleve or some silly little lie like that.
My reasoning for challenging myself to do this was so that I could cleanse my body and rid it of the toxins it’s accumulated over the years. However, I’ve been told I’ve lost weight, which is visible to me coz my clothes are not fitting me the same. I didn’t think others could see this but my colleagues says that even my face looks smaller….hmmm. This is expected from this experience because you not eating and are loosing plenty of water weight. It’s estimated that most people gain back at least half of the lost weight.

My sensitivity to those who suffer from hunger has heightened. I’m doing this by choice or rather did this by choice and I have the advantage of stopping as and when I please. My heart goes out to the gazillion folk who, out of no fault of their own go hungry every day and have no choice but to survive as best they can.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

To better health and more...

Sunday my friends and I went to eat and had several discussions one of which included our seemingly unhealthy eating habits. I for one can’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal. Always on the go and it’s easier to load up on milk and cereal and granola bars and oatmeal and coffeeeeeeeeeeeee (nyamie)…then maybe over the weekend grab a seemingly robust meal that sees me through the next weekend.

I’ve always wanted to go on a cleansing diet. I used to think all veges or all fruit or all liquid for 14 days but never quite got to do it. So we sitting at the table and one of us mentions that she’s doing the 10day lemonade diet…not lemonade as we know it but this consists of:
60ounces distilled or spring water
10 tblspns maple syrup (Grade B)
10 tblspns fresh lemon juice

In addition to this we are taking Seena Tea (great laxative if you ever need one).

And the yuckiest is the sea salt mixture which consists of 2 tsps sea salt and a quart of distilled or spring water.

Oh how dare I forget the cayenne pepper. We opted to buy the capsules of which we have to take 2 with ever 8ounce of the lemonade. The other option would be to buy cayenne pepper and put 1/10 of a tsp to the lemonade…you can add or reduce this depending on your threshold for pepper.

The only other think we can consume is peppermint tea…organic might I add without sugar and or honey to taste.

We went on a field trip to a store that sells all natural/organic goods and bought our paraphernalia. That done we went, consolidated goods, made the seena tea, toasted to good health and chugged away. YUCK YUCK YUUUUUUUUUUCK doesn’t begin to describe the taste. Well actually it’s not that bad if you hold your breath as you drink it….success!

Day 1
Woke up fixed my drink and off I went. I really still can’t believe I’m doing this but it’s for good health so drunk I did. All day I’ve been sipping on this concoction and still nothing…no movement I keep burping and my stomach feels like I was up doing a gazillion crunches but other than that all systems are running as usual. Why is it that when you make a decision to do something temptations that defy your choice drop all over the place man. Today someone offered to buy me breakfast…where were they when I was broke about two weeks ago or when I forgot my wallet at home…ASHINDWE. Then theeeeeen like that’s not enough one of my friends brings a chicken patty for us to share…WOLOLO…ta but if I could I would but I can’t….why oh why are the temptations oh so close.

One of my friends decided that since our stomachs maybe sensitive, we should open the capsule touch it with tongue ever so lightly and let the stomach get used to it. She however forgot to mention to that we should then re-close said capsule and swallow with loads of water. So about lunch another friend calls and she is dying. Genius had opened the darn capsule which had ensued to burst in her mouth and she was the spectacle of her colleagues…why are we laughing about this I don’t know but twas funny.

No incident for me today. Went home, turn on tellie (the first thing I see is a Papa Johns commercial…AWAY AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY) and drunk the sea salt thingamajig. I had to close my eyes to imagine that I’m drinking some nyamie chicken broth (that almost sounds like an oxymoron). My head hurts like thirty hundred monkeys have decided to fight for the lone banana so off to bed I go.

Day 2
Today has been an extremely interesting day. I’m not hungry coz my stomach is filled with lemonade. Everyone in the office has some food thing going and I’m sooooo irritated by the different smells floating around. OMG someone is brewing coffee…I’m an avid coffee drinker but cannot stand to smell it today. I run to the rest room and double over by the different smells.
Gone with the scents I think I’m getting used to it. I’m amazed that I’m not hungry.

My friends have made me laugh all morning with narrations of their episodes of which I’ll spare you. I’m glad I’m doing this with them coz the humor and stories shared are priceless.
I typically have more energy than the average person or so I think. Today that energy is over and above. I can’t seem to sit still. I need to do something about this before I explode. I’d ‘done’ with work…cleared my inbox before noon. So now I’m reading blogs and playing would be my late night. I need to go for a walk. Ok back…it’s soooooo gorgeous out (prbly 65).

I’m seeing things…food looks oh so appetizing. I saw a cracker on the ground and with ants and all it looked unbelievable edible. I need to refocus my energy and thoughts. The evil one is trying to tempt me into cheating…who will know the voices are saying…no no no…away with you. I’m committed to doing this if I’ve to be carried to the ER.

Evil friends man…one called to let me know how delish her mango was, another sent us an email of Mickey Ds fries…uwiiiiiiiiii…RISWA!!!

I can’t wait to go home and take my sea salt thingamajig and go to bed. LOL why do humans resort to sleep when things are seemingly ‘thick.’

PS: To those who may so feel inclined to indulge in a similar cleanse you may get information on "The Lemonade Diet - The Master Cleanser" by Stanley Burroughs

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Displaced anger...hmmm

I am quite INCENSED tell me this how can anyone in their right mind convince me that the political agenda in Kenya is just but an economic gain, a ruse for the greedy to accumulate more wealth than they would need in their lifetime...ppl are dying in Kenya because of supposed instigated clashes, at this point instigation is not even important in mine's atrocious to me that ppl are dying and I’m really upset that MPs have the audacity to say that as quoted from todays nation...

"Meanwhile, 10 MPs yesterday alleged that there was a plot to assassinate Lang'ata MP Raila Odinga.
The MPs said the rising insecurity and the attack on Internal Security minister John Michuki's rural home in Kangema, Murang'a District, may be part of a wider plot to eliminate Mr Odinga, a key figure opposed to the Kibaki administration."

I personally don’t care whether it’s an attempt at their lives...for crying out loud Raila is not even in the bloody country...and yes, I dare say maybe the entire lot need to be slayed along with the ill-fitting propaganda...
oh yeah then Uhuru THE KANU CHAIRMAN and an elected MP tells the government and Kibaki in particular to come out and show support to the people...isn’t his obligation and inherent responsibility as an elected MP (and the entire lot) to be a representative of the government, they are afterall the government, and step up to the plate and do what needs to be done to protect those they represent and who elect them.

I’m done I’m so done its time to listen to Soobax at the highest possible volume and I dare hear a word from my colleagues...wusaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Why oh Why...

Today’s gloomy weather goes with the way my soul feels about people, no beasts who molest and abuse others and especially those who prey on children. What is the point, someone please tell me. How demented can you be to think that you can derive pleasure from an individual who is mute to your indulgence. Yesterday a friend of mine shared with me that she observed her ONE year old child grinding, yes the sexual motion. No don’t laugh its not cute. I was instantly disgusted and felt faint. I was so absolutely incensed because the implications are gutting to me. He could have 1)one been molested 2)watched someone having sex possibly the babysitter or probably on telli 3) maybe he’s just a rambunctious toddler exploring his manhood…this would make Freuds’ theory not that off the radar. Whatever the case, it doesn’t sit well in my being. These are his formative years, his personality is forming and character developing and for anyone not to be aware of their impact on his impressionable nature is absolutely ridiculous to me.
I get overly passionate about molestation and I do understand now more than ever that it’s a control thing on the part of the molester. I however fail to understand why a being would want to have control of another and in my little world my brain has refused to compute that this said control would amount to the betterment of the controlled. Never mind that fear has been instilled.
In my career, I refuse to work with molesters because they go against all my beliefs. It tugs at my heart when I sit and listen to recounts of rape and molestation. With my first client at my internship our first session entailed gory details of how she had endured through gang rape and domestic violence and she had three boys and the older one (7y.o) was molested by his dad and he in turn was inappropriately touching his younger brothers. This truly got to me and I had to go to my happy place and focus so that I could still appear composed and continue to actively listen and walk her through the process – whatever that means. I don’t think the memory every completely ebbs away for those who’ve been molested/abused. You can be ok one day and the next it hits you and you have no idea what triggered it or why you cant rid of the experience…and I guess here come the control factor.
The news is plagued with reports of abuse/molestation and my first reaction is often lets get the idiot and castrate him/her. I must admit that my anger and militant take is negative and largely due to personal experience…I’m trying to reverse that and have been motivated to start a counseling service that will cater to victims of these heinous crimes. Interesting is that research shows that a high percentage of molesters have at one point in their lives been molested and because of displaced feelings of anger and shame and hurt they in turn molesters. This cycle needs to break man!
I’m ranting so I’m out…

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Music makes me loose control...

Tee hee I think my LOVE for music will be my death, honestly man. Any genre goes. First thing when I wake up in the morn’ is walk to my bathroom and play a CD (my friends think I’m weird that I have a mini CD player in my bathroom). I dance away as I go on with my getting-ready-routine and have often missed the bus coz I had to had to dance to just one more song. I feel a sense of frenzy overcome me and almost act entranced. When I’m blue I put on highest heels and dance to my hearts content. When I want to relax after a long day I put on some Ella or Billy or Louis or Sade and let their guttural voices relax me. When I’m feeling rebellious and confused Mr. Bob has a way of getting to my very core…rock works as well. My naughty or sensual moods can be easily embraced by any reggae or zouk. When I’m homesick I go waaaaaaaay back to Boney M and Abba and the B Gees. I’ve told my family and friends that I want music played at my funeral and if this doesn’t happen then I will come back and haunt them…lol, I know psychotic.
Give me a dance floor and all I’ll need is the occasional bottle of water to keep me going all night. Boy oh boy, I cannot stand it when a dude comes up to talk to me when I’m in the midst of shaking my being away and dares to want to carry a conversation in the melodious din that relaxes my spirit. At work its even worse coz I can’t arbitrarily get up and dance, I do on the sly but it’s too confined. I’ve this seemingly horrible habit of yelling out AUWIIIIIIIIIIIII when I song has so touched my soul…and oft do it subconsciously. I don’t listen to music on my commute for fear of my body betraying the calm, dignified person that I seemingly portray to the public.
I’ve become a music prostitute, exchanging music with anyone who dares to share. Just this past week my acquisitions include Middle-Eastern, Canaan, Robin Thicke, Papa Wemba, Tanya Stephens, ok I can’t go on too embarrassed. I never feel like I have enough music. In my retirement I want to be a DJ or maybe I was in my previous life…there’s an art to it that is mind blowing to me. My spine absolutely gets tingly with the smooth flow of perfectly mixed music. I cannot stand DJs who seemingly ad lib or who feel the need to continuously announce a party that’s weeks away while interrupting MY flow...selfish, I know.
Both my parents are music lovers and so are all my siblings. I’ve memories of how we’d perform for my parents – higher higher your love keeps taking me higher higher. I recall with great amusement how one of my sisters snookered us on a trip to shags one holiday. My parents would always play their lingala music much to our disgust. We’d travel with Tabu Lei and Mbili A Bele and Franco on the over 6 hour journey from Nairobi to Kisumu. They’d then stop by the market and buy more lingala tapes for the rest of our journey. Our pleadings for ‘hip’ music fell on deaf ears. But this one time they gave in so out came sis with the then latest Whitney tape. LOL…it was a single. And all we heard for all of twenty minutes was the original song then the same song in rock and then accappella then instrumental then drum n base and then ma caught on and that was the end of music democracy. Tis weird that I now appreciate lingala and zouk.
I’m looking for Chinese or Japanese jazz…any suggestions anyone!