Sand, sea, sun, bikes – absolute BLISS!!!

I had a BLAST this weekend and have a scar to show for it (burnt lower right leg while getting on a bike and not realizing the cylinder was HOT. Never mind the numerous warnings that apparently yours truly didn’t hear because of the excitement). I attended the black bikers event in Myrtle Beach. I still have an adrenalin rush from a bike ride and watching bikes and oh so much more. Oh I should have added this to my tag-list…I LOOOOOOOOOVE BIKES! I’ve always wanted to go to Myrtle Beach for Bikers week and when the opportunity knocked I opened the door.

I however didn’t quite know what I was opening the door for. Mine eyes have seen things they will never or rather I hope to never subject them to again. My soul goes out to all the women who feel that the only way they can attract attention, gain validation is to expose themselves in ways that I deem beneath anyone. I’ve never felt like a piece of meat but this weekend defined that and I had hands-on experience which left me with feelings of degradation, disgust, unworthiness and oh so vile.

I know I haven’t said much, because I would be perpetuating that which I find abominable, but I’d really care to know the HONEST opinion from anyone esp. of the male species on the blatant sexploitation and the necessity of women self-exposing and men ooogling like their life depended on it…
Do men really appreciate it when a woman publicly exposes her body?
Would you (man) get with a woman who publicly bares all?
Does respect come in to play as the observee, and or the observed?
Does the clothing industry give misconceptions when they produce items of clothing that would not enhance, accentuate certain body types/sizes?
Is exposure a cultural thing? If yes, why does this culture seemingly encourage gender/sex exploitation?
What is it with the double standard? I can count on one hand the number of men who I observed self-exposed.
Why do certain individuals feel the need for validation if it is to their deterioration?
Am I prudish?

Maybe my sanctimonious view is unnecessary, but I feel that self respect and dignity go a loooooooong way. And I know and understand the freedoms that the citizenry of a nation are awarded but what is that freedom if it further enslaves certain individuals in the process.

Disclaimer: My discombobulated thoughts are due to the trauma and I could be experiencing PTSD from viewing too much skin!!!

Free at laaaaaaaast, free at last…

Graduated on Mon and I had a BLAST. First off I had to be out of the house by 5 to make it to school by 6…sounds insanely impossible but I did. I was in shock and awe for lack of better words. I’d shared my up by 4a out by 5a School by 6a story with a few friends. To my surprise one took it upon itself to rent a limo for me. So I get out my apt and I’m all dolled up in tights and pantyhose (yak hate those suckers. Last time I was seen wearing em was probably 10 years ago). I’m coming down the flight of stairs and as soon as I get out the building I’m accosted by a well dressed gentleman. He goes on to explain that so and so thought that such and such and so he’s here to drive me to my graduation. WOLOLO I could have fallen over. He goes on to take my regalia from me, opens the door and I saunter gracefully in. 2DIE4. This was obviously a pleasant surprise and I’m oh so grateful for the gesture. No words can express my gratitude.

So anyway, we head off to school and in the limo I’m thinking man I could have had some cereal coz at this point my stomach is calling for ancestors long gone. All night I was unable to sleep not because I was excited but rather all panicked out. I don’t like attention and crowds give me the hibby jibbies so I was trying to calm my nerves down. If I’d known I was going to get a LIMO I’d’ve taken a glass of port or amarulla to soothe me into the oblivion of sleep. Oh well.

The ceremony started promptly at 8a. We were marched and seated and listened to one drool after another. The speaker really didn’t say anything of substance or rather did not impart any wisdom...well at least I don’t recall coz I was thoroughly amused by the dudes who were sitting in-front of me. They had apparently been celebrating all week long and the previous night was no exception. Jimmie was F’d up! He still had keroro in his bloodstream and kept us all thoroughly amused with his antics. He kept giggling and even called his girlfriend in an attempt to make up. Noooooooooo, whispering what’s that? He talked to his heart content and seemed even sincere from my perspective. I almost grabbed his phone to beg her to forgive his previous ills and have him back. He finally dosed off, with the hot sun tanning our black selves like we needed it. Can’t do this story much justice but twas quite priceless!

I work and went to school a stones throw away. So after the ceremony, limo gone, I took the 3min walk, to meet a colleague for a promised celebratory lunch. As I get there, there are people at the door to escort me to my office. They took enough photos to give paparazzi a run for their money. I was escorted to the restroom blindfolded, and my escort waited out the door as I did my deed then again blindfoldedly escorted me to the patio, where I was greeted with cake and punch and ice-cream and well wishes. I was and still am thoroughly touched that they made the effort to celebrate my achievement.

I felt blessed that even though my family wasn’t able to make it for my graduation, I got to speak to each of them and they gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. The pride in their voices was priceless and I really do appreciate all their well wishes. I’ve a little twinge of regret in being stubborn and adamant about not wanting to march and thus not giving them enough notice to get visas and travel for my graduation. Too tired to do much else, my sister and I went home and slept like we’d been paid. I’m a total control freak; yes call me anal if you please. Because I did not want any surprises I arranged a dinner, sent out e-vite, went to restaurant to point out exactly where I wanted us seated. This was at one of my fave quaint restaurant and had thus invited my chosen few. The food, Peruvian was delectable. We, well I had a great time. Dinner, wine, company was a BLAST.

I’ve the week off so contemplating next steps…somewhat a scary thought!!!

Why do I feel like time is running out on me…?

I think that I am now ready to have my child. I know I know…
For some reason I feel settled. HAHAHA funny coz I’m not actively dating, whatever that entails, or in a serious relationship, wait a little moment of disillusionment - I’m not in a relationship with anyone period!

So I graduate on Monday, yippeeeeeeeeee...it’s been a loooooooooong time coming. I am NOT marching and most of my friends don’t understand that I don’t care to. I LOATHE attention and can’t imagine folk whooping and hollering, one even threatened to carry a blow-horn and make a field day of it when my name is called. SUCCESS!!! With this milestone, I feel like I’ve duly achieved the right to have a child. My excuse was always that I could not afford the time to plunge into this. Now that the internships, exams, papers and much dreaded presentations are out of the way I can a) go to the sperm bank b)convince one of my male friends to indulge c) stop running away from Mr. Man and plunge into a committed relationship with him…NOT.

I like option b the best and actually asked a friend about it on Tuesday. He initially thought I was joking. Don’t know why because we’ve had this conversation enough times. We talked for about 45mins, me thinking that we are on the same page after he had stopped picking on me and joking about it. Then bye bye smooches yadda and we hang-up only for him to call me back after a few minutes sounding extremely somber. Baritone enters in “hey, were you really serious about what we were talking about” Sexy me “yes, but of course my stance is still no pressure.” I don’t know. Sometimes I tend to share intimate stuff with so called friends and they don’t take me seriously or don’t believe me. I think I’m an open book and don’t have time for games or secrets, granted sometimes both are necessary depending on who’s boat is being rocked.

I totally understand his non-committal on this issue and even respect it. So I’m moving on to specimen B. I don’t do well with deceit thus as I told specimen A, I will let B know that I selfishly don’t want him to feel obligated to me or the earthling-to-be. I really am of the strong conviction that I can do this alone and don’t need any commitment financial or otherwise on the specimens’ part. I know harsh. One may wonder why I won’t opt for sperm bank. I’ve actually considered the pros n cons on this and have had heated discussions with a significant female in my life and she is of the opinion that on this matter I’m bluffing and more so an oaf. She’s entitled to her opinion.

I may not be articulating my take on the having a baby thing in these written words, but its not as simple or incognizant or unthought-of…it’s a well deliberated, even elaborate plan. Maybe not human, according to many peoples standards or morals but it sits well with me. I understand that a child is not a toy to fill the void of whatever life has inhibited me or that I’ve allowed myself to be denied or my cards/stars simply haven’t drawn thus far. I understand that I’d be making a huge sacrifice to bring this being into the world and further that I can’t switch off from him/her. I would solely be responsible for the being. I would have to think about the being before any comforts of mine. It’s a sacrifice that I’m at peace with rewarding myself!

A short break...

Is that too much to ask for? I don't get incompetent folk and never will so I'm retrieving to my happy place til 5.00pm. Enjoy this with me if you please, with a tall order of cold flat coke....BLISS!!!

Because you put a gun to my head…

Vengeance tis sweet mwahahahaaaaaaaa…that goes to you 3N my stalker aka not-sure-if-you’ve-a-crush-on-me-or-working-your-way-there aka tagger.

Here go 7 things that people don’t typically know about me…

*When I’ve had a long day (or not) I love to go home take off the confining garments, put on my heels and dance to my hearts content…wine and candles the works… I call it serenading myself.

*I enjoy my own company and typically get antsy after prolonged (more than 3hrs is a bit much for me) periods with other humans. I thus tend to switch off while ‘actively listening.’ I do the switch-off for ppl who whine exceedingly as well.

*I think I’m in love with my buddy. I’ve been in denial about ever having experienced love in my life-time because I haven’t expressed it to him and especially because I’d crumble if he rejected me.

*I’m smarter than I let on esp. to friends. I’d call myself a genius actually!!!

*I looooooooooooove glass…one of my fave things to collect include shot glasses, wine glasses, martini glasses, cocktail glasses, juice glasses…any type of drinking glass really.

*The three material things that put me in BLISS are music, flowers and books. I typically don’t wait to be given flowers but buy myself a bouquet every other week. My collection of music would be a DJs envy. I can also open up a not-for-profit library…I feel pain when someone insists on borrowing any of my books and brings it back with rabbit ears or a rip or a smudge…pain I telya!

*I love to evoke arguments and thus thinking process in others and have been known to instigate a discussion, only to sit back and watch folk tear at each others throats…can you spell A-D-R-E-N-A-L-I-N rush!

I proudly extend this tag to Princess, GND, aegeus, Magaidi, Freespirit, Jadekitten and Prettylyf!!!

On stupidity...

I’m reading this oh so scrumptious book (The Brothers Karamazov) and felt the need to share words that I found profound and that keep resonating in my soul. For as long as I’ve known me I’ve been rather intolerant of stupid people. And yes, I know that stupid is relative but for me it’s all lumped up together in an insufferable ball that needs to be eradicated from the face of the earth….tossed into oblivion.

Without much ado here’s the quote…
...the stupider one is, the closer one is to reality. The stupider one is, the clearer one is. Stupidity is brief and artless, while intelligence wriggles and hides itself. Intelligence is a knave, but stupidity is honest and straight-forward. …"

If you love to read, grab a copy of this book and get lost in it...The Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoevsky