Each one reach one...
The other day I read a suicide note that not only tugged at my being, but that also heightened my curiosity and need to want to reach out. The note highlighted some of the major causes of the unworthiness of the life and hence the need to stop existence. I was angry because I did not understand why such seemingly mundane reasons would be due cause to cease existing. We all deal with basic stressors on a daily and we somehow have to find reason and cause to want to keep at life no matter what. Because of this, I’ve oft times been of the belief that those who choose to take their lives in this manner are not only giving up but are rather selfish and cowards…I stand corrected.
My thoughts lead me to a time in college when a dear friend attempted to end her life. We were up all night, in fear, trying to restore her existence and equip her with reasons to carry on albeit the state of depression that she had immersed into. We did not of course want to add undue stress and thus did not call authorities or her family. We ‘handled’ the situation by keeping a deadly secret. Our thoughts did not drift to the plenty ‘what if’ scenarios that would stem and fester from the situation.
After years of studying the human mind, I know now that there are some unhealthy secrets and ways that we support each other. My mind goes back to my friend and how I saw warning signs and even though my mind knew better I took it upon myself to be her comforter and healer and counselor and oh so much more. I ‘m now better equipped/educated to handle dire situation and thus was inspired to write this.
I’m convinced that we are each our brothers’ keepers, yes in the literal sense, and thus should attempt at removing each other from toxic situations. I think that as family and friends we should be aware of suicidal tendencies and symptoms and that further, we should encourage our loved ones to seek professional assistance at the onset of thoughts and or behavior that is threatening to our lives and that of others. It is important that any one in a stressful and or depressed situation acknowledge their feelings…adverse feelings are real, common and treatable, and this should encourage one not to feel alone or like the world is against them or even that they need to end life.
Simple steps to improving and being aware of ones ‘sanity’ would be:
*Seek professional assistance
*Be in touch with your feelings, esp. negative ones…what makes you tick
*Be aware of signs, symptoms, mood changes in yourself and loved ones
*Be embracing and understanding of self and others so that you don’t seclude, pigeon hole or develop pessimistic views of self or others
*Share feelings/emotions with a confidant, someone, anyone about what’s going on with you not
*Develop positive relaxation techniques e.g. yoga, meditation/prayer, warm baths, which will not be an added stressor, so that when life seemingly gets in over your head you have something healthy to fall back on
There are several websites that you can visit to read more about psychological aspects going on with you and or your loved ones…
www.save.org
www.suicidepreventioncenter.org
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
www.yellowribbon.org
mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/suicideprevention
I try to do all that is within me as a sister, friend, lover, confidant, colleague to reach out to family and friends. I encourage all not to let days go by without reaching out to a family member or friend…call your friends and family to check-in, encourage, share…whatever it takes to let them know that they are loved and cared for. I know my career will lead me to read many more suicide notes or offer counseling to those affected and or inflicted by suicide, at the end of the day I’d however like to say that I did all that was within me to help prevent a suicide. Maybe this is a tough responsibility to endow on any individual, but I've challenged myself to, and going with my 'brothers keeper' take on life the least I can do is look out for those I love and care for or who seek my counsel.
I would be remise in not underscoring the fact that it is important to seek professional advice from a trained individual i.e. counselor, psychologist, spiritual/religious leader. Suicidal thoughts are grim thoughts that can be turned around…this is not the end all!!!
posted by Quintessence @ 10:18 AM
16 Comments:
Very true indeed. I especially echo the last part - the essence of family and friends ...
Spot on. A friend told me of how she was fortunate to stumble across a suicide note from her cousin moments before it was to happen and was able to chase her and stop her from carrying it out. It took a while to get her back from that situation, but today she's doing better. All because of her cousin's insistence on being there for her (among other family members).
Trying to stop a suicide is a heavy responsibility. It can be hard to express and deal negative feelings and heavy emotions so most try to just ignore them. I'm with you on therapy and professional counselling. I have a lot of respect for you being in a profession dealing with the mind.
Ur efforts will surely not go un recognised! Sometimes all these people who go through this need, are people like u who can pull 'em thru it!!
@mwangi...family n friends play an important role in our lives and should be treated as such
@egm...I'm glad your cousin was insistent. A minute makes a difference and goes a long way
@gnd...I hear you doll...sometimes it only takes a friend to listen to one to make a difference
@klara...I hear you, most times we've either experienced situations or have some little knowledge...again, taking time to listen goes a long way
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Suicide is one f those things we consider taboo and would rather not discuss. i love the way you have tackled the matter. As much as we would like to ignore it it is a serious matter.
@gish...It is indeed one of those elephants in the room that everyone seems to walk over, around, away from. For what reason...perplexing to me.
I was talking to one of my cousins the other day and we spoke about how we have surface/superficial relationships with people and so we never really allow people into our lives and meanwhile we may be going through a tough time, but we don't want to burden folks with our issues so we just keep them buried deep inside of us.
Additionally, sometimes we know someone is going through a difficult time but we don't know how to get them to open up to us. So you make a valid point in just constantly being there for our loved ones!!!
@princess...how true...I know I tend to clam up when some' going on but in all that all I need is a smile, a hug, not too much questioning...
Princess I agree with you on how a lot of us have superficial friendships. Its funny this topic should come up, coz this weekend I felt that I had reached the end of the line and I realized that I had to talk to a counselor. I always felt that I could handle all my stuff and being a psychologist in training I didn't think that I need help. But when you hold in so much stuff, it eventually catches up with you sooner or later.
Something huge is going on in my life, and I'm going through several debates in my head on what to do, but although I haven't talked about it with anyone, my talking about other stuff has helped ease my load and I don't feel like I should end things.
Suicide is usually not from mundane issues, although the one that pushes someone to the end may be mundane. Its usually a combination of much deeper issues that have not been properly dealt with, which is the dangerous part of the whole situation.
Looking for signs is important, and most people will usually show signs, even verbal signs that may come of as a joke, but pay close attention, this is usually their cry for help and if we ignore it and take it lightly, who knows...
We are our brothers keeper.
@freespirit...appreciate your comment and let me clarify that I did not in any way wish to reflect that it is mundane reasons that lead to suicide...I was merely referring to the letter that I read.
I do hope that you listen to yourself and take time to talk to somebody, anybody and begin to resolve whatever is going on with you and thus begin to heal...
Amen to this post! Having recently lost my best friend to suicide, the post and comments have definitely struck a chord in me. The feeling of hopelessness is perhaps one of the strongest emotions that pushes people over the edge. I have travelled down that road before when I was much younger, but I came to learn how to open up and talk to others. And it doesn't even need to be with a best friend or family member (in my experience, they're the hardest to open up to).
And for you Q, I would resonate with freespirit. You are in a challenging career where you take on other people's burdens. Just be careful not to neglect your own mental well-being. After all, a drowning person can't help another drowning person. I admire your emotional strength. It does take a special kind of person to do the work you're doing.
Happy weekend :)
@SBB...ta, I had a fab wknd albeit the hectic nature it took.
I'm glad you crossed that hurdle...life can be tough and talking it out does help as you've mentioned.
It is actually recommended that counselors/psychologist have counselor/psychologist that they speak to on a regular basis. One of my weaknesses is opening up to anyone but I've learned the value of this and try to preserve my 'sanity' by not keeping everything in!
Thanks Q for opening up this topic. I strongly believe that one’s mental well being is very depended on their social support system.
Be it friends or family it is important to have someone you can open up and express your feelings.
@3N...Couldn't agree with you more on the social support system. I think we all open up the topic when we reach out to a friend, relative, whomever.
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